The Truth of Never (The Never Trilogy Book 3) Page 4

  “You know, I know almost everyone on this street,” my dad said to me in Portuguese.

  We had just come from dinner at one of his favorite restaurants, and there, we had had his favorite meal; cabbage soup filled with potatoes and sausages and way too many spices. He usually didn’t eat out but today had been a busy day for us, and there was no doubt that neither of us was going to cook.

  It had been a strange day. I’d woken up to find that he wasn’t in the house and his phone was left charging on his nightstand. After waiting for more than two hours and realizing that he wasn’t going to come home anytime soon, I’d gone to my Aunt’s house down the street and we reasoned that he’d probably gone fishing.

  I’d set off towards the ocean and eventually found him on a flat expanse of extended rock. The thought of how he’d been able to climb up it had sent chills down my spine. I’d taken a seat beside him, letting my legs dangle as I looked out at where his fishing line had landed. Beneath us and far beyond was the vibrant sea, a scenery so beautiful I wondered why I always found it so difficult to come back home.

  He didn’t catch anything, so after a few more hours of talking, we left and to my surprise he’d asked to be taken to Atilio’s house. Atilio was my oldest brother and he lived in Lisbon – which was about two and a half hours away – with his wife and two kids. I hadn’t seen him in a while so I was happy to take him.

  Now it was late evening, and we were heading down the cobblestoned streets of Old Town in Albufeira where I had once spent most of my days as a teenager. The place was familiar to me, but still it didn’t feel like home. It never had.

  “I can remember some people too,” I said to him, “but none of my old friends. Most of them aren’t here anymore.”

  “Most of them are in Lisbon now,” he said, “the others like you and your two elder brothers, are abroad. I still don’t know what’s so difficult about remaining in your own country.”

  I smiled at his complaint.

  Just as we were about to exit the street, he stopped at one of the stalls to look at a long, brightly colored, beach dress.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, as he felt the fabric and then lifted it from the rail to properly examine it. He lifted another before he replied me.

  “I’m looking for something for your girl.”

  My gaze left the dress and settled on him. “Are you referring to Lenora?”

  He turned and gave me his famous ‘you’re really stupid’ look. “Who else would I be referring to?”

  “She’s not my girl yet, Dad,” I said, but I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

  “Hope you’ve been calling her. You better not still be angry with her.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Is she going to come here to see us?”

  “Dad, I’m leaving soon, and why do you want to see her again? You saw her a few days ago.”

  He used his stick to lightly hit my arm so I could get out of his way. He headed over to the vendor- whom he greeted by name -with two dresses draped over his arm. After chatting for a few seconds, he paid for the dresses and handed the bag over to me. “Give this to her when next you see her,” he said.

  “Thank you sir.” I said and added it to the bags I was already carrying.

  Soon we were home and eating fruit on the small dining table in our living room.

  “When are you getting married to her?” he asked, and for a second I stopped chewing.

  “I don’t know,” I replied, my gaze avoiding his.

  “Do you know you’re old?” he asked, and I just smiled.

  “She’s engaged,” I told him, and then he gave me a deadly look.

  “How is that your problem? Do you think she wants to marry him after the way she loves you? You better find a way to fix it, and quickly. Or are you still wary of women?”

  I didn’t respond.

  “You love her, don’t you?”

  “When has love ever been enough?” I asked, staring pointedly at him so that he had no doubt in his mind that I was referring to his relationship with my mother.

  “Elizabeth loved me,” he said. “She just loved herself more.”

  We were quiet for a while as we ate, and then I asked, “How do I know that she’s the right person for me?”

  “First of all, let me ask you this,” he said, “will anything I say now stop you from wanting to marry her?”

  I shook my head.

  “That’s the first way you know.”

  There was nothing satisfying about that answer so I just kept on eating.

  “The second way is if you both understand that it is not just love that keeps two people together. That was my mistake with your mother. You have to understand that unless a woman is happy with herself first, there’s nothing you can do to make her completely happy with you.

  “The third thing is this: expect that the best will happen but also prepare for the worst. I didn’t plan on spending my life struggling to feed my family, so much so that my daughter died because I couldn’t afford to take her to the hospital.”

  “Dad …”

  “Don’t feel sorry for me. My uselessness broke your mother’s heart, and yours. I didn’t blame her for leaving. Never have. I only blame her for not being prepared that I was going to fail her, and that was what broke my heart. You might never have a problem with money. I’m so happy that you’ve been able to do that for yourself, and so has she. Letting Nora go back in school was the best thing you could have done. Don’t regret it for even one second. That was what I should have done for your mother.

  She was so young, and she had dreams but I was stupid enough to think that my love for her could fill the hole that not fulfilling that dream made in her heart. Your girl doesn’t have that emptiness, she’s filled it up by herself and she’s happy. If you’d not left her alone when she needed to be, she might not have had the chance. But you might fail her in some other way, and if she’s not prepared she will leave. Same as you. All the preparation we used to need is the vows that promise forever, for better or for worse, but words don’t mean much to most people anymore. So speak to her and make sure that you both fully understand each other, and make a promise on how far you both want to go.”

  As I pondered over his words he rose to his feet. “I’m tired.” He said.

  “Have you had enough to eat?” I asked, slightly worried because he’d done so much today and eaten very little.

  “Put it back in the fridge; I’ll have some for breakfast. I need to sleep.”

  He sounded a little out of breath to me, so I let him go. When I was done putting the plates away, I went outside and continued pondering over all that he’d just said to me. It was just a little past 11pm here, so it would be about 6pm back in New York. Lenora would be at home by now so I picked up my phone, and called her.

  She picked up immediately, and just hearing her voice alone made me feel happy. “Hey.”

  “How are you?” she asked heartily. I could hear her smile through the phone.

  “I’m good.”

  “I thought of calling you today but I figured you’d be busy,” she said.

  “You can call me anytime, Nora,” I told her.

  “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

  I smiled at her politeness, which was due to her assumption that I was still mad at her. I wasn’t though and hoped she’d realize it sooner rather than later. “How’s your health?”

  “It’s good,” she replied. “I wore heels today so I felt some pain here and there but I think it’s getting better.”

  “Why did you wear heels?” I asked. “It will put strain on your back.”

  “They were low.” She quickly defended herself. “Gary said I could wear them, and that they would help in strengthening my back muscles.”

  I sighed then. I wasn’t on speaking terms with Gary. I’d called him to curse him out about not telling me that Lenora could walk, so for a while, we weren’t going to be speaking to each other.

  “
Okay. How was work?” I asked.

  “It was good. I submitted a few chapters of my new book to my editor today, and she loves it. So they’ve accepted it and given me a deadline for handing in the complete manuscript.”

  “Hope it’s not too close. You’re still recovering.”

  “It isn’t. I’ll have more than enough time.”

  “Okay.”

  She was quiet for some time.

  “Are you home?” I asked.

  “Yes, I got in a few minutes ago.”

  “Where are you now?”

  “In my dressing room. I was about to go take a shower and then eat dinner.”

  At that moment, the day I’d gotten into the shower with her flashed in my mind, and a grin broke out on my face. Although my body had been unable to thoroughly behave itself, my mind had been right because of the circumstances that warranted the situation. But now that she was okay, I couldn’t help thinking about it. That had to be the most intimate thing I’d ever done with anyone in my entire life, and the fact that it had been with her just tore at my heart in the best of ways.

  I leaned even further back against the lawn chair, my breathing a bit more difficult.

  “You know I can hear you smiling, right?” she said, and it made me laugh.

  “Really?”

  “Yes. You’re rotten for thinking about what you’re thinking about.”

  “What do you think I’m thinking about?”

  “Get out, Nathan. You’re a pervert.”

  “I still don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Of course you don’t.” She sighed. “Are you still angry with me?”

  I smiled. “Are you still angry with me about Lancaster?”

  “Of course I am.”

  “Then I’m still angry too.”

  “Nathan, you can’t compare it. You’re going to spend a lifetime paying for that.”

  “And so will you sweetheart.”

  She groaned aloud.

  I heard some movement from inside the house. “I can hear my dad moving around, I better go. Can I speak to you later?”

  “Oh, sure.”

  I stood up and headed back into the house.

  “And by the way, I’m not angry with you anymore.”

  “Yay!” she celebrated. “I’m still angry with you about Lancaster though.”

  “That’s acceptable.” I said and entered the kitchen to see my dad pouring water into a cup.

  He glanced at me, noticed the smile on my face and asked if I was talking to my girl. I nodded and he came forward to take the phone from me.

  “Nora?” he said, and then grinned broadly at whatever her response was. I was too curious so I took it back from him, and put it on speaker.

  He frowned at me as he accepted the phone back.

  “I bought two dresses for you today- for when you come over to see us.”

  “Oh, thank you so much. You shouldn’t have though,” she said, and I could just imagine her shy and equally delighted expression. I shook my head at my dad.

  “When are you coming?” he asked.

  “I don’t know,” she said in a whiny voice. “Alex didn’t invite me.”

  “That’s not true,” I responded. “I did, you refused.”

  “Nora, is this true? You don’t want to come see me?”

  “No, of course not. Nathan!” she scolded.

  “Well, I’ll tell Alexandre to put on the dress later so I can take pictures and send it to you. So it’ll motivate you to come.”

  She burst out laughing while the smile that I had been nursing, disappeared. I snatched the phone out of his hand and shooed him off to bed.

  “I’m sure you’re enjoying him ridiculing me.”

  “Of course I am,” she replied. “I love your dad, Nate.”

  “He loves you too, perhaps even more than me.”

  “Yes!”

  “Let me allow you to settle down. What are you eating tonight?”

  “I don’t know yet. I’m too lazy to cook, but I’m hoping there’s something left over in the fridge for me. If not, I’ll just order food in.”

  “Okay. Text me about what you eventually decide on.”

  “I will,” she said.

  I wanted to ask her about Damian, but I chose not to. There would be another day for that.

  “So, talk to you later?”

  “Sure. Bye dear.”

  Lenora

  Although it was incredibly immature, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling a little bit unhappy that Nathan had ended the call. I could have quite easily postponed my shower and continued speaking to him, but I guess he was tired or maybe he’d wanted me to be the one to insist on continuing the conversation. Either way, I still wasn’t as familiar with him as I would have liked to be.

  Whenever I spoke to him most of my reservations went away, but the constant reminder that this was Nathan, and that he still intimidated the hell out of me now as much as he did back in boarding school remained, and caused me to hold back. I owed him a text anyway, so maybe that would prompt another call from him. I sent him the text, telling him that I was thinking of ordering pizza and then went to take a shower.

  I got out quickly and hurried over to check if he’d replied, but there was nothing. Maybe he had gone to bed. Disappointed, I went back to the kitchen and cooked myself a meal.

  *

  I didn’t hear from Nathan that evening and all throughout the next day.

  By the third day, I was pissed… and a little nervous. Maybe he was still angry with me, because I couldn’t understand how anyone would be comfortable with not speaking to someone they loved for this long. He had even ignored my text, which I had cross-checked countless times to be assured that it had delivered.

  I headed over to Elisa’s office to complain, but she wasn’t in so I went in search of Carlie. I didn’t even bother going to her office because she was rarely ever in it, and true enough, I found her in the design studio. She was surrounded by at least six designers, and was speaking to them about some sketches on the table. There were two models standing in a corner wearing brightly colored dresses.

  They all flashed a smile at me when I walked in. I returned it, and then waved my hand at them to ignore me. I sat down by the corner and watched them in discussion for a few more minutes, until they dispersed and went towards the models to test out the adjustments to the dresses. Carlie came over with a tailoring tape hanging around her neck, and sat beside me. She looked exhausted.

  “How’s it going?” I asked and she rolled her eyes.

  I put my arm around her so that she could lean into me, and we watched as her team worked.

  “I haven’t heard from Nathan,” I said, and she quickly leaned away from me.

  “No, that’s for Elisa to handle. I’m busy.”

  “C’mon.”

  “I’ve already told you what to do.”

  “Well, I can’t just call him.”

  “Why not?”

  “We’re not dating or anything, so I don’t want to seem like I’m pestering him.”

  “Isn’t this Nathan we’re talking about? I don’t get it. Aren’t you both obsessed with each other?”

  “My point exactly.”

  “Don’t get excited, that’s not what I mean. What I mean is that I thought you had both thrown your pride with each other out the window. You know what, I’ll call him.”

  “Nah,” I said, turning my gaze away from her and towards her designers. It was only after her silence had been prolonged for too long, that I turned back to see what was happening. Lo and behold, her phone was actually against her ear.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, and immediately reached for her phone but she stood up and walked away from me.

  “Carlie!” I called with gritted teeth, trying to keep myself from yelling. The staff was watching us.

  “Stop it, I’m not joking.” I warned, but she just sent me a huge grin and wiggled her eyebrows.

  “
Hello,” she said eventually, and my heart dropped into my stomach. I was going to kill her.

  “Nathan, how are you doing?”

  “Lennie and I just thought to say hi. She hasn’t heard from you in a while.”

  Oh my God! I thought, wanting to bury myself inside the ground. I had the most idiotic friend in the world. Normal people didn’t act this way.

  “Oh, okay.” She replied to whatever he had said to her. “Hope you’re doing well though.”

  “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

  She ended the call and turned to me.

  “I’ll kill you,” I said and tried to look nonchalant.

  “He says hello.”

  I was silent as I waited for more, but nothing else came.

  “Is that all?”

  She nodded. “He sounded a bit tired though, so I think he’s probably really busy.”

  “Oh please,” I said and rose to my feet. I returned to my office more upset than I had been when I had left.

  After a few minutes of brooding, I eventually just picked up the phone and called him.

  “Hey,” he said, when the line connected.

  “Hi,” I replied, in what I hoped sounded like a cold voice. “Just wanted to see if you’re doing okay.”

  “I’m alright. What about you?”

  “I’m good. I’m good. Anyway, uh… goodbye then.”

  “I’ll call you later,” he said, but I didn’t respond. I ended the call and carelessly tossed the phone on top of the desk.

  “Asshole,” I cursed. “Stupid, self-important, egotistic asshole.”

  I didn’t need anyone to tell me why this situation felt so familiar and disturbing. When Nathan cared, it showed. He couldn’t help it. But when something was wrong, it also showed. The reminder of how cold he’d been towards me back in Lancaster during the period when I was being bullied came back to me, and it seemed to make me even angrier. And then it hit me that back then, it had been for a reason. He loved me, so there just had to be a reason for his distance. I refused to let the reminder that it had just been a few days make me feel silly, so I picked up the phone and called him again.

  I felt alarmed that I was turning into an obsessed schoolgirl again, but I needed some sort of closure. I would either find out that there was actually something bothering him or, that I was not as impoortant as I thought I was and thus, could be easily ignored. As it rang, I got up from the chair and walked towards the window.