The Truth of Never (The Never Trilogy Book 3) Read online

  The first thing I looked out for was Stacy but as far as I could see, he was alone. I couldn’t see him very clearly but it looked like he was watching me as I approached. When I reached him, I saw that he had indeed been watching me.

  “How are you?” I asked.

  “I’m fine” he replied.

  A few seconds passed but we didn’t say anything else. I eventually moved my gaze to the ocean and watched the excited waves.

  “Why aren’t you sitting down?”

  “Oh, I’ll be leaving soon. I just wanted to check up on you.”

  “Don’t you want to stay?”

  “I don’t want to intrude.”

  He just stared at me, his pupils reflecting the glint of the fire. “If you’re intruding I’ll tell you.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “Sit down Nora.”

  I smiled at his tone, happy to see that he wasn’t completely somber.

  “You’re sitting on the only chair.”

  He got up just as I suspected that he would, and sank to the ground. I instantly protested.

  “I was joking,” I said.

  “It’s fine. Come sit down.”

  “No, I’ll feel bad, please go back to the chair.”

  He stared quietly at me and I knew then that he wasn’t going to get back up again. I went over to him and grabbed his arm and started trying to pull him up but he refused. Suddenly I felt his arms around my legs and before I knew what was happening, they were off the ground and in the air.

  “Nathan,” I complained as he brought me down on his lap, my hands holding on to his shoulders for dear life.

  “We’ll both sit on the ground then,” he said as I tried to steady myself. He leaned forward and kissed me and I began to melt, but it was over way too soon. He licked his lips as he stared into my eyes. I had to restart my brain so I looked away and took a deep breath before turning back to him.

  “Did you see Stacy?” I asked.

  “I did. She left just a few minutes ago.”

  “Okay, I wasn’t sure if you wanted the company but she insisted.”

  “It’s alright. I was a bit shocked to see her and didn’t expect her to fly all this way though.” He said as he turned me around so that my back was against his chest, and his legs spread apart so I could settle between them. He wrapped his arms around me while I leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder. We were quiet as we stared at the fire and listened to the sounds of the waves crashing against the shore beside us.

  “Do you remember the first day we met?” he suddenly asked.

  “Can I ever forget it?” I asked, and tilted my head slightly to the side to glance at him. “I still can’t believe I hit you with a tray.”

  “I still can’t believe that I didn’t for even a second, think you were crazy.”

  My grin grew wider. “Really? I thought I was crazy.”

  “You weren’t. The crazy part was going into that tunnel. I was so scared when I saw you at the stream.”

  “Well, I was pissed. You confused the hell out of me back then.”

  “What about now?” he asked as he stroked my hair. His mouth was so close to my ear, and he was talking in a tone that was just a little above a whisper. I leaned even further into him. “Do I still confuse you?”

  I took a moment to ponder the question. “A little bit,” I replied. “I think with time though I’ll figure you out, and guess what?”

  “What?”

  I glanced at him with my teeth bared in a silly grin. “I’ll be the only one in the world who has.”

  He smiled. “I’m not as complicated as people think. I’m actually quite simple. It’s just that I don’t say a lot of what’s going on in my head.”

  “But you do with me though,”

  “Yeah. I do.” He said and softly kissed the side of my neck while I lifted one arm backwards and wrapped it around his. I leaned even further into him, until we were literally glued together. My clothes suddenly felt like too much of a barrier, but I needed him to make the first move. For some reason I felt like he wouldn’t so after I decided that the nuzzling was enough, I turned back to him and pushed him gently until he was lying flat on the sand.

  He complied, an amused smile on his face and put his hands behind his head to watch me as I sat astride him and took off my shirt. I had a plain black bra on so there was nothing exciting there, but his attention was not on the material. I leaned down and started with soft kisses, but then he sat up and held the back of my head as he slipped his tongue into my mouth.

  Wounding my legs around him, I gave myself fully to the kiss. But soon, I needed it to progress at least a little more so I started to take off his shirt and he complied. Then suddenly he turned with me and the next thing I knew I was flat on my back. He started from my forehead, and began trailing kisses down my body, softly, slowly as if he was worshipping every spot he touched. When he got to my navel it was so freaking sensitive that it made me giggle. He laughed and came back up when I was lying on my back again. He planted a kiss on my lips and then stood to head back to the fire.

  A little disappointed, I supported myself on my arms to see what he was up to and watched him tear off one of the handles of a plastic bag. He came back and settled himself behind me, but then his legs automatically tightened, locking me in place.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Don’t run yet, just relax,” he said.

  “What?”

  He took the plastic bag strip and wrapped it round my ring finger. Then he tied it once, and started twisting the ends together.

  My heart stopped beating.

  “Nathan,” I whispered but he didn’t respond. He just tightened his legs around me so I couldn’t get up even if I wanted to, and so help me, I wanted to get up. There was a breeze around us, but it felt like I was silently struggling to breathe.

  When he was done twisting it, he brought it back down and started to roll it around until the twists ended. He tucked the rough ends underneath the pile he had made. It was the size of a big diamond and fit my finger perfectly. I just stared down at it, the sound of my pounding heart in my ears.

  He brought his arm around me and drew me even closer to him.

  I just kept staring at it, until I found my voice again. “You haven’t said anything.” I told him.

  “I’m not sure if you’re ready yet,” he said. “I’m just showing you what I want. When you’re ready, tell me and I’ll ask you.”

  “No,” I told him, almost panicked. “That was the same thing that happened with Damian. Ask me now.”

  He didn’t say a word, and I knew what he was waiting for. I took a deep breath and turned my head to meet his gaze. He watched me for a little while and then he said very slowly, “Lenora Grace Baker, will you marry me?”

  “I will, but not right now,” I said.

  “Okay,” he replied and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

  A few minutes passed without either of us saying anything.

  “Aren’t you going to ask me why?” I asked.

  “Nope,” he said, and I turned to him.

  “What do you mean? I just rejected your proposal and you don’t want to know why?”

  “You didn’t reject my proposal, and you’ll tell me when you want to.”

  “But still,” I said and moved away from his arms. “You’re complacent again. You should ask why, like right now. You should demand to know why.”

  He stared at me, a smile still on his face. “Lenora, if I had no idea why, trust me, I would demand to know why. But I have a pretty good idea so I don’t need to ask you.”

  I frowned. “What do you think is the reason?”

  “Nora, I feel we’re it for each other, and I know you feel the same way too, but you still have some boxes left unchecked, and until you settle that, you won’t be able to say yes with the confidence that you want to feel when you’re saying it. There’s no rush so take all the time you need. And also, you can bring
the unchecked items to me. We can handle them together if you want.”

  “I’m not sure what they are.”

  “Think on it, you’ll flesh it out.”

  He leaned forward to place a kiss on my forehead as I stared down at the makeshift ring.

  “Aren’t you disappointed?” I asked.

  “Nora I know you. If I didn’t expect this to be your reaction, I would have given you the actual ring but that would’ve freaked you out even more.”

  I smiled in spite of myself. “So, you’re saying you have the actual ring?”

  “I’ve been carrying it around for four years.”

  “What?” I exclaimed.

  “Calm down sweetie. That’s a whole other story.”

  Nathan

  Lenora barely slept that night. She kept tossing and turning, and then eventually she got up and left the room. Truthfully, I wasn’t concerned at all about what might have been going through her mind, what bothered me was that it was depriving her of sleep.

  I hadn’t been sleeping well either since losing my dad. I still couldn’t believe that he was gone. There was now another massive void inside of me and the emptiness it caused was crippling. I could still see him in my mind’s eye as he struggled that night for his life, his hands gripping desperately at his chest. The image tormented me. I was grateful that I had gotten the chance to spend his last few days with him, but how I wish that I had done even more.

  I felt so incredibly sad, and even though I knew that with time the pain would subside, it felt like it never would. I wanted to heal, to become lighter and completely happy for the first time in my life, especially now that Nora was with me. I had gotten my dream girl but it felt like I had lost my reality. I still hadn’t cried. I wanted to because I knew it would be a release, but I couldn’t. I just felt cold.

  Being around my family and Nora were the only things helping me function, but the funeral was in a few days and after that, we would all have to leave and return to our lives. I never attended Annie’s funeral. I remembered being dressed up in a small black suit, but at the last moment, when her coffin was about to be lowered into the ground, I’d turned around and ran away. Even though I was so young then, it’d felt like something was tearing me apart from the inside. Now, it felt like something was clawing at the wounds that had never fully healed and it was even more painful.

  With a sigh, I got up and left the room to check on Nora. I found her asleep on the couch in the living room ,and the sight of her curled into a ball made me smile. Gently, I picked her up and carried her back to our room.

  Our room – I couldn’t even believe I was saying that. But nothing that was happening here seemed real, and I was as terrified of leaving as much as I was of staying. I turned towards her and brushed her hair away from her face. Surely she would come up with her unchecked list soon, and I couldn’t wait to hear it.

  It surprised me though that I wasn’t bothered by her response. Maybe it was because of what I was currently going through. Maybe when I got back to New York and reality, I’d have the proper reaction then and panic. But not now. I eventually fell asleep for a few hours but then in no time I was up again and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I got out of bed and went to the kitchen.

  I made some coffee for myself and sat down to read a book. I was straining my eyes because my glasses were back in the room, but I didn’t want to wake Nora up so I just continued on. I eventually put it down when they were hurting too much and leaned back against the chair. I heard the door to our bedroom open and turned to see Nora come out, scratching her eyes. Her messy hair and the sight of her in my t-shirt made me smile.

  “Why did you wake up?” I asked softly. “Go back to bed.”

  She didn’t listen. She came over to me still sleepy eyed, and yawned as she pulled out the chair next to me.

  “Why aren’t you asleep?” she asked.

  “I wanted to read for a little while,” I said and she yawned again.

  She turned towards the couch and spotted the notepad she’d left on it. I hadn’t even noticed it. She turned back to me.

  “You brought me back to the bed right?”

  I nodded.

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. Any progress with your list?”

  “Actually, I’m done. Kinda,” she said as she got up to retrieve the notepad. She took her seat and started going through what she’d written down. I saw on her finger that she was still wearing the nylon ring but the knot was slowly becoming loosened. I wanted to reach out and retie it, but I thought it best to give her the space that she needed.

  “Do you want to go through it with me?” she asked.

  “Sure,” I said, and brought my chair a bit closer to hers. She started to place the pad on the table but then she stopped, and held it to her chest.

  “First of all, before I show you, do you have an idea of what might be on the list?”

  “Lenora, I can’t read your mind.”

  “I know, but … you know me. You, understand me. Right?”

  I sighed and leaned back against the chair. “I’m guessing that’s one of your concerns.”

  She smiled. “Actually, it’s not. I mean it is, but I didn’t write it down. It didn’t occur to me.”

  I leaned forward to stare into her eyes, and folded my arms on the table. “You want to be sure that I completely understand you. The real you, the crazy, irrational, stubborn –”

  She rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath, “Geez, would it kill you to say something nice about me for once?”

  “Stubborn …” I reemphasized, “and beautiful girl that has haunted me for the last thirteen years. You want to be sure that I understand that you’re not perfect, so that later on, I won’t have an excuse to be an asshole.”

  She was staring at me very quietly now. “Go on,” she said softly.

  “You’re concerned that we might just be a moment’s thing, like all the other millions of couples out there. After all, we haven’t really spent that much time together.”

  “We’re not just a moment’s thing.”

  “I know, but we’ve spent more time apart than we’ve actually spent together. Though it seems all-consuming now, what makes us different from all the others? Every couple feels crazy about the other at some point, but then, things change and life happens.”

  She looked away. “That’s what I’m scared of,” she said. “Life.”

  “You shouldn’t be,” I said, and lightly touched her fingers. “Instead, you should be ready for it because it’s going to happen.”

  “I know.”

  “But you want to be sure; you want to believe that what we have will still be worth fighting for even when we don’t get goose bumps from just looking at each other.”

  “I don’t get goose bumps from looking at you,” she said sarcastically.

  “Well I do,” I said, and it made her blush.

  “Really?”

  “Really,” I said, and took a sip of my coffee. “In conclusion, what I think is the cause and answer to all of this, is time. You need time, but by getting engaged it seems like you’re not going to get it, but that’s not true. So we don’t have to be engaged.”

  “I want to be engaged to you. Sincerely, I don’t want there to be anyone else for me. I want you or nobody else.”

  “Okay, so we’ll do this. We’re engaged, and we can keep that between us to reduce the pressure, but it’ll be a long one.”

  “How long?”

  “As long as you need.”

  She sighed and just stared at me. “I love you,” she said. “Do you know that?”

  “I suspected it,” I replied. “But I do know that this is the first time you’ve told me.”

  She smiled. “I thought you wouldn’t notice.”

  “I notice almost everything. Can I see what you wrote down?” I asked.

  “No need,” she said and got up but I caught her arm, and pulled her to me before she could get away. She
giggled as I tried to settle her on my lap with my arm solidly around her, but she’d stretched hers out so I wouldn’t get to the notepad.

  “Nathan, no,” she said, but I didn’t listen. I got it out of her hand and pinned both of her arms to her sides with my arm so that I could look at it. And on the page was written: I love you, with all of my heart … but I need time.

  I smiled and shook my head. She hit the side of my arm when I freed her, and got up.

  “Are you happy now?”

  “I am actually, but you spent all night writing that?”

  “It took all night for me to realize that.”

  “I understand. Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you something?

  “It’s too early, we’re already disturbing the house. Come back to bed.”

  “Nah, I think I’ll stay here for a little while.”

  “As the engagee I’m commanding you to come to bed. Plus, I want to hear about the ring.”

  I smiled. “Let me guess, I’m the engager.”

  “You are.”

  “Okay,” I said, and took my book along with me. I just wanted to lie with her and maybe talk about my dad for a little while. Maybe that would help me. But barely two minutes after she was in my arms, she was asleep. I brought her a little bit closer to me and not long after, I was fast asleep too.

  « CHAPTER 7 »

  Damian

  We arrived at the funeral home for the visitation at least an hour after it had begun, but Elizabeth refused to go inside. I understood, so I just sat with her in a corner of the reception, and waited for an extra three hours. Through it all her head remained lowered, and her face shielded with a dark veil and a pair of sunglasses. No one would be able to recognize her here, but even without the costume, I barely did.

  I'd seen her confident and strong, but in the last couple of days it seemed that she had lost herself. She wasn't talking except with quiet nods and a head shake, or when she could manage it one word answers. Tears were constantly rolling down her cheeks, and all she did was sleep to escape. She was incredibly sad and I didn't know how to help her.